I am a Bad Person and That's Ok With Me
Some stellar examples today, and it's only half over.
"This won't print sideways. Why won't it print sideways?"
Solution: User was attempting to print a document in landscape format, but was unable to figure out how to switch to the correct format. Colleague suggested appropriate response would have been "You have to turn the printer first." Showed user what Page Setup menu was for.
"I'm sick of always having my e-mail spell-checked. I wish it wouldn't do that."
Solution: Showed user where to uncheck the "always spellcheck e-mails before sending" option in Outlook.
Follow-up stupidity (5 minutes later, after composing an e-mail):
"Now how do I get it to spellcheck?"
Solution: Directed user to Tools-->Spelling. Also informed user F7 does the same thing. User informed me he prefers to use menus so he knows "the machine is working." Directed user to Tools-->Spelling-->Die.
"I'm trying to upload a paper-- does it matter what letter I start with?"
Solution: Ponder "What the fuck?" After lengthy conversation with user (see yesterday's entry for the Masters degree in IT-- same person) ascertained that user is referring to the DRIVE LETTER in the file path she is specifying as a source. Informed user that "Q" is the best letter to use as no one ever thinks to go that far into the alphabet. Solution backfired a few minutes later when user came back to make me show them how it works. After uploading file, viewed result page and ascertained user had previously uploaded the same goddamn file. Determined God hates me.
Rule of the Day:
If a user refers to thier computer as "the machine" or assigns it a gender, the odds that they know anything beyond how to spill coffee in their keyboard decrease dramatically.
"This won't print sideways. Why won't it print sideways?"
Solution: User was attempting to print a document in landscape format, but was unable to figure out how to switch to the correct format. Colleague suggested appropriate response would have been "You have to turn the printer first." Showed user what Page Setup menu was for.
"I'm sick of always having my e-mail spell-checked. I wish it wouldn't do that."
Solution: Showed user where to uncheck the "always spellcheck e-mails before sending" option in Outlook.
Follow-up stupidity (5 minutes later, after composing an e-mail):
"Now how do I get it to spellcheck?"
Solution: Directed user to Tools-->Spelling. Also informed user F7 does the same thing. User informed me he prefers to use menus so he knows "the machine is working." Directed user to Tools-->Spelling-->Die.
"I'm trying to upload a paper-- does it matter what letter I start with?"
Solution: Ponder "What the fuck?" After lengthy conversation with user (see yesterday's entry for the Masters degree in IT-- same person) ascertained that user is referring to the DRIVE LETTER in the file path she is specifying as a source. Informed user that "Q" is the best letter to use as no one ever thinks to go that far into the alphabet. Solution backfired a few minutes later when user came back to make me show them how it works. After uploading file, viewed result page and ascertained user had previously uploaded the same goddamn file. Determined God hates me.
Rule of the Day:
If a user refers to thier computer as "the machine" or assigns it a gender, the odds that they know anything beyond how to spill coffee in their keyboard decrease dramatically.
posted by Clueless Dad at
10:38 AM
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