Literacy is Not a Job Requirement

Ugh....I really hate sitting near the printer. It's directly on the other side of my cubicle wall, which means that if anything goes wrong with it someone's head will pop up over the divider, and I'm nont allowed to shoot it.

(standing in front of printer) "How do I get the printer to stop?"
Solution: User had blank pages spitting out and wished to cancel the print job quickly. Directed them to look for a large red button hidden away on the front of the printer with the label "stop".
User affirmed they had found it, inquired what they should do next. Instructed user to not push that button ever, ever, ever. Sadly user failed to follow instructions and sucessfully stopped the printer.

Same i-tard, 2 minutes later:

"Isn't there a way to cancel a print job without going to the printer?"
Solution: Informed user that yes, there is an arcane, little used way of doing so. Further informed user that they needed to go into thier print manager and concel the job using the menu found there. User informed me that they didn't know what that was or where to find it. Informed user that Microsoft uses misleading icon in system tray to designate print manager-- told them to look for icon shaped like some box with paper coming out of it. User queried "Why don't they just make it look like a printer?" Waited 2 seconds. User remarked "Oh....HEY, THAT'S A PRINTER!". Unsucessfully attempted to club user, found phone cord too short to reach. Ordered longer phone cord from supply clerk.